But it doesn’t take much wisdom to see this process as it happens, and unroll it in another direction. It is possible to create chains of peace-making, to look for windows of opportunity for communication, dialogue and understanding of ‘the other’.
Where this is not done, it can hardly be said that “there is no choice”. There is. To take another road. In nearly all cases ‘the other’ will be relieved, they will run to sit down with you over a cup of coffee.
Over many years of meetings and dialogues with Palestinians and Israelis in the region I am amazed at the consistent longing for peaceful co-existence, and the despair at how it seems so far away.
There are precedents. I am writing this from the Galilee, where Israeli Jews, Muslims, Christians, Arabs and Druze are living and working together.
There is a clear commitment by all communities not to risk the preciousness of a basically peaceful daily life, despite the scars carried by many.
Responsibility
Non-violence does not mean doing nothing. It means an energetic attempt to create another climate. This requires strength and steadiness, qualities which are shown by genuine peacemakers.
It is not always easy. Peace may have to be paid for. For example Israel may need to take responsibility for the refugees it created since 1948.
The Palestinians may need to let go of their painful narratives of displacement and victimhood. Mahatma Ghandi said: “Non-violence is the weapon of the strong”. We can always make this choice.
The Middle East is a hotspot. It seems it always has been. However the level of conflict, divisiveness and insecurity is rising on a planetary level.
It may be urgent to inquire, ‘what can I do in these times, and what is my responsibility, whether to what is happening in the Middle East or Ukraine or on our own doorstep?’
Elders
I have been doing peace work for many years in the region along with courageous, heartful, and compassionate people on both sides, who still go out and tirelessly show that there are other ways to live together.
I would like to offer some insights from the front lines that might help us to meet conflict where ever we are.
Firstly we ourselves can meet and drop our own tendencies to create enemies and to take sides. It is too easy to blame specific autocrats or groups, or the politicians, or end up taking sides such as pro or anti Palestinian, or pro or anti Israeli.
If we want to take a side, it can be to take the side of humanness. In one large peace walk the Palestinians wanted to walk behind the Palestinian flag.
We sat with the elders of their community and asked them to explain that none of us were willing to walk behind any flag, neither Palestinian nor Israeli.
Independent
All agreed to walk with white flags. The colour of bandages! The ‘other’ is a point of view that we hold in our mind. It is not in reality. Can we imagine an inclusive view beyond sides, that knows how much benefit there will be from togetherness?
Right now, it may be that what you read above doesn’t make any sense. It is unfortunate but understandable, that we may be too triggered to even consider meeting ‘the other’ across the boundaries.
We may theoretically believe in peace and co-existence but right now feel too much anger and stress. But we can develop new capacities to work with the situation. Perhaps our responsibility is to develop our response-ability.
One immediate task can be to protect ourselves from being swept away – to know when our attention is being hijacked by media, over-information, strong views, and the sheer volume of noise.
We can feel that we have no idea any more what is important and who we really are. We get lost inside an echo chamber. We can turn down the volume of stuff coming in. And at the same time find ways to remember our independent mind and the big person that we are.
Narratives
To come back to our life through simple acts of life and love that bring us down to ground and recollect ourselves.
I have been living under rockets from the Lebanon and with the daily sound of Israeli artillery going in the opposite direction for nearly two years. But I made sure that every day I dig the garden and grow my food, and look after the animals of families that had fled the area.
Satish Kumar was a lifelong and tireless peacemaker and ecological activist. But he made sure that he cooked lunch together with others. Winston Churchill used to build stone walls while he was chancellor of the Exchequer. If we feed others we are actually also feeding ourselves.
Conflicts are sustained by fear, insecurity, anger or revenge, which lead to a consensus that shouts that we must defend ourselves. But these are individual and national emotions, often stoked up by media and political leaders.
Fear and insecurity are not problems in themselves, but are dangerous when they become fixed as uncontrollable narratives such as being the victim, which then justifies the violence.
Compassion
If we clearly see these emotions that sweep through us individually and the social space, then we can take care of them, and not allow them to be converted into bombs and rockets.
Can we deal with the fears and their ensuing narratives internally, rather than attempting to destroy the source of them externally?
We can easily get carried away these days by feelings of helplessness, confusion, or anger, emotions that can pull the rug from under us and leave us drained and powerless.
These emotions too can be seen with sympathy and understanding, and let them pass without giving them authority over us and our actions. And we can encourage the opposite – kindness.
Connect with the basic primal goodness in our hearts, and know that compassion does not have one address. It includes ourselves and others as all of us are vulnerable beings.
Reactivity
We can help other close to us first and then expand the limits of our hearts. And let it direct and energize us to act skilfully in the world, wherever we have an opportunity, helping to create the conditions for a peaceful and fulfilling life for all.
If you ask what is the single most important skill and capacity that reduces conflict, alienation and violence, it is probably the power to listen.
If we are in conflict or dispute our world often narrows and we might respond with anger, argumentation, defensiveness.
Listening cuts through all that. We sense the other person, sense where they are coming from, look behind their eyes, listen to their story, and at the same time listen to our own voice and inner responses.
The other person feels the respect and will often come down off their defensive position and the chain of reactivity can be broken.
Ethical
We have done this endless times in what we called Transformation of Suffering workshops with groups in conflict, especially Israelis and Palestinians.
It was very clear that intentions or calls for peace were not nearly as effective as deep listening to the daily life experiences and struggles of each other. Being in the shoes of the other, says the classic Buddhist text by Shantideva, is a sacred task.
In one of the many dialogues a Palestinian boy said: “I always thought Israelis were just soldiers and the human heart was made of stone. Now listening to your stories I know that there is also softness in the human heart and that will stay with me all my life”.
In the end we are faced with the question, so what can I do? What is the right way for me to act? What is ethical in these times?
Assistance
Such decisions and directions are never easy, and our actions, though often spontaneous, do depend on all the wisdom and heart that we have built over our life.
For that reason, it is our responsibility to develop our awareness, empathy, big vision and wise heart during our life so that if we are confronted with conflict or violence we will choose a path that causes minimum harm to self and other.
People aften ask me, what would you do if someone came to your house with a gun to kill you? Would you kill them first if you could? The answer is that I have no idea. I would try and protect life, both mine and the other.
Sometimes it is clear – for example in relation to Gaza, now would be the time for First Aid. Humanitarian assistance. People often say that the situation is very complex and that paralyses them from acting ethically.
Peacefulness
It is not complex to starve kids or kill unarmed civilians on any side. You just don’t. Apart from that, though, we act according to what opportunities arise, big or small.
We answer the calls that touch our compassionate heart. And we have no need to measure. Everything we do makes a wave that goes out in the world, and does something, like the ‘butterfly effect’.
We have led a large number of quiet peace walks throughout the region, Israelis and Palestinians, Jews and Arabs, modelling what peacefulness was like at times when it was forgotten.
Did it make a difference? Yes. Like a candle, we bring a small light – one that makes a real difference in a totally dark room.
This Author
Stephen Fulder is the founder and senior teacher of the Israel Insight Society. He has had years of experience in peacemaking in the Middle East. His most recent book is How to Thrive in Hard Times: A Buddhist Manual.
Stephen Fulder will give an online Resurgence Talk titled ‘How to thrive in hard times’ starting at 7pm on Wednesday, 24 September 2025. You can book a free ticket now.